Dog to dog blog: Invasion of the Jungle Snatchers

Hi guys

What a sell! Thursday being my day for looking after the AGPs if they’re about, I wasn’t surprised when Mum loaded me into the car this morning. But instead of driving to the marina for an exciting day of walks and dozes in my comfy on-board bed, we went to Alrewas.

Things went steadily downhill from there; I was left in the car for a while and then back came Mum with the AGPs in tow and we drove back home. I’d barely had time to get in and sort the cat out before we were all out in the back garden.

Now this garden has been really improving over the time I’ve been gracing it with my elegant presence. The plants have got steadily taller, especially a fetching screen of nettles obscuring the bit at the back which I use for purposes we won’t discuss here. I’d wondered why Mum had been spraying stuff on these and other good clumps of wildlife friendly briars, especially as they’d really started looking quite down in the stalk afterwards,

What happened was that the three of them dressed up like bit part actors from some dystopian “The Day the World Turned into a Zombie” type movie, all long rubbery gloves and things, and started to pull up all these lovely, lovely plants.

I thought they were called weeds because that’s what you did round the back of them, but apparently life’s not that straight forward. By the end of the morning they’d all gone and Grandma was pulling all the small stuff out from the gravel borders, leaving nasty sharp bits of rock for me to get in my paws.

All the dead greenery was loaded into bags and Mum, Grandpa and I drove to the tip. Here I was left guarding the car whilst they took away the evidence of their despoliation and lost it.

Next we went to B&Q where again I was left on guard (with the windows a bit open, please note, no overheating for me). Did they come back with chews and throw toys to make up for what they’d done? Did they heck as like.

Quantities of yet more chemicals and rolls of bags were loaded into the motor and we went home. Here Grandma was relaxing after completing her murderous assaults. After a bit more faffing about, the AGPs sat and ate lunch in front of me, only giving me one lousy small apple core.

Finally, the only machine that makes a noise worse than the vacuum cleaner was hauled out; that’s right, the lawn mower got paraded up and down where my beautiful jungly wildlife preserve had been.

The bloke next door then peers over the fence, baldy head gleaming in the sun, to congratulate the rotten humans on their environmental crimes.

He got a right barking at, I can tell you. Worth it, even if Mum did make me lie down and shut up.

Right, that’s it, the AGPs can look after themselves from now on. I don’t care if I never see them again.

Loads of licks to those who appreciate me

Your friend

Sally